Loyalty Schmoyalty!

Dear Suz,
I need help with a problem that I am having. I have a friend who has been a really good friend to me for a long time. She has helped me out many times, and I don't want to lose her. Now I am in a situation where my boyfriend wants us to move away. I owe this friend a good deal of money and if I move with him I will be losing the job she helped me get, as well as the apartment she co-signed for to help me get on my feet. I keep telling him I can't do that to her, but he is insistent that we move where we can live our lives on our own. My friend is known to show up whenever she feels like it and acts offended if we are busy. Because I owe her so much I try to listen and not be rude when she tells me how I should live my life, but this relationship with my boyfriend means a lot to me, he could be "the one" and her visits and opinions cause a lot of problems between us. What can I do? - Loyal Friend

Dear Loyal Friend,
While I sympathize with feeling torn in this situation, if you were such a loyal friend you would not need to ask me what to do. You would pay your friend back what you owe her, you would complete the terms on your apartment instead of leaving her holding the bag, you would do your job to the best of your ability because she vouched for you. And you would tell your boyfriend that until you handle your responsibilities you aren't going anywhere.
As for your friends unexpected visits and unwanted advice, anyone who has helped you out that much has the right to give you their opinion, but you aren't forced in any way to take that advice. Listen to what she says and decide for yourself, although if she has been able to help you in so many ways she probably is sharing quite a bit of wisdom with you. Which may be why when you listen to her your boyfriend has a problem, it seems as if he doesn't understand loyalty and friendship very well, if he's trying to convince you to run out on your obligations.
Remember honesty is the best policy, be honest with yourself, and don't do anything that you will be ashamed of doing.

Who's Your Daddy?

Dear Suz,
I need to know how to deal with my boyfriend. He doesn't like any of my friends, some of these girls have been my friends since grade school. My boyfriend gets furious whenever one of them calls, and throws a fit if I spend time with them. These are nice girls, they are like part of my family, but he won't compromise at all and has told me that I will stop being friends with them or I will lose him. I don't want to have to make a choice and don't think it is fair for him to be that way.
He's not abusive, he isn't trying to alienate me from everyone, just these 4 girls. I need a way to make him see that my friends have nothing to do with our relationship, can you help me?
Torn

Dear Torn,
Please keep in mind as you read my answer that I can be a little blunt. Please don't take offense.
Did this boyfriend give you life? Did he raise you and love you through all of your trials and celebrations in your life? I'm guessing no, which means he isn't your Daddy, and shouldn't try to act like he is.
Tell him that under no circumstances will you give up your friends unless he can come up with a valid reason why you should give up that many years of friendship with people who are like family members to you. If he wants to break up with you after that, then honey, that's no big loss.
I don't care how much in love with someone you are, don't give in to ultimatums of that sort, because while you say he isn't abusive, that is a form of emotional abuse. Of course he doesn't have a problem with other acquaintances you might have, they are not as close to you as sisters. You don't tell them everything and they may not notice the differences as he molds and changes you into a woman who is content to live under his thumb. He knows that these 4 girls are the ones that he will end up having to answer to, as well as feel threatened by if he doesn't treat you right.

You are an individual and you have the right to chose your own friends, and to decide who will be a part of your life. Not a boyfriend, fiancee or even husband. Don't allow a man to make your choices and decisions for you. If you give in to this manipulation there will be more to come, and eventually you will lose your own ideals and personality becoming nothing more than an extension of him. Retain yourself, and stand up for what you feel and believe. Best of Luck! I have to say that I probably wouldn't even give him the option of staying with me after an ultimatum like that.