Baby Daddy Drama

Dear Suz, I am writing to you because I have read your blog and I think maybe you will have some insight that I am missing. I am a single mother of a wonderful little boy who is 4, his "birth father" hasn't been in the picture ever since he found out I was pregnant. I am now engaged to be married to a great guy who wants to raise my son as his own, he wants to adopt him. I am all for that idea because he has been with us since my son was 6 months old and has really changed our lives for the better. We contacted the birth father to discuss it with him, we laid it out and told him that either he starts being a part of my sons life, and pays child support or he should sign away his rights so my fiancee can adopt him. We figured when it was put to him that way he would agree. Suddenly he is knocking on my door every evening and wanting to spend time with his son. But I think that he is just trying to cause problems because he doesn't want to take him anywhere, he always shows up when my fiancee isn't here and stays for hours. I try to just ignore him and leave him in the living room with my son to play but I wonder really why he is here? He hasn't paid any child support or bought anything for my son, he just shows up every evening through the week for a few hours. What should I do? I just want him to go away.
Signed: Don't want the Daddy!

Dear Don't want:
My mind is racing with answers, sadly it is too late to implement any of them really. Your first step should have been obtaining a custody and child support order. Then if he didn't do what he was supposed to do you would have leverage to serve him with papers giving him the option that you and your fiancee presented to him. Since he still hasn't paid any child support or done anything for the child, you can still go ahead with that part, see a lawyer immediately.
As for his visits you can arrange a few hours once or twice a week at your convenience for him to spend time with his son as long as he wants to do that. I dare say that when it comes down to not causing distress for you, or having to come out of his pocket to support your son that he will be a lot less willing to play Daddy. Simply put when you went to him you gave him leverage against you, something he could do to bother you and keep you from moving on with your life the way you planned.
You don't have to let him mess up your plans for your life, if he hasn't bothered to be a Daddy for this long he isn't going to stick with it, the novelty will fade and eventually he will sign the papers. At least that is the hope I will tell you to hold on to, however if he does straighten up and actually be a father to his son, you will have to learn to adapt, and it won't take anything away from your soon to be husband. Your son will still know who is there for him day in and day out, and he will have more people that love and care about him, which can't be a bad thing.