Dear Suz,
My boyfriend watches internet porn all the time. I am not jealous of those pneumatic boobs or plastic bodies but I wonder what he is missing in our sex life that makes him want to watch that stuff. How can I get him to stop?-Not Kinky
Dear Not Kinky,
I can't tell you what your boyfriend is missing in your sex life because I am not part of your sex life. But remember that men are visual creatures and maybe he could use a little visual from you to spice things up. Then again maybe he's like most men and simply enjoys porn. Unless it is an addiction, or your sex life is suffering because of it you may want to just live with it. Or even join him once in a while, you don't have to be kinky to enjoy porn, and maybe it will liven things up for both of you and he will watch it less. To be honest I find critiquing the performances in porn clips to be very amusing, and have noticed that when I get particularly catty my significant other will turn it off rather than have me ruin the experience for him.
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Monster In Law?
Dear Suz
Help! my soon to be father in law has made a move on me. He actually told me that he knew how to handle a woman much better than his son, and if I wanted a real man I'd try him out before the wedding. Should I tell his son, or his wife, or just keep this to myself and avoid him. At the time there were other people nearby and I walked away like I didn't hear him. He was drinking at the time so I am hoping this won't happen again, but this man is going to be part of my life on a regular basis, we are buying a house only 5 minutes away from my fiance's parents house. I don't want to cause a big rift or family feud, especially if it was just a drunken comment. What should I do?
Signed: The Happy Bride
Dear Bride, I have the perfect solution for you. It won't require a tense discussion with your fiancee or his mother, and shouldn't create a family issue. Arrange some alone time with your almost father in law, take him to lunch or something. While you are chatting and relaxed mention to him that you did hear his comment, and after much thinking you feel that you should let him know that you are not now, nor will you ever be interested in him in that way. That you are aware he may have been a little tipsy when he made the comment and so you are giving him the benefit of the doubt, but if he is ever inappropriate with you in any way you will call a family meeting and inform both his son and his wife of his behavior. Express to him that you don't want any hard feelings or tension as you join your new family and just want to clear the air between you so that you both know where you stand.
After this conversation unless something else out of the way is said to you, put it out of your mind and never mention it again. This way you haven't created a family feud, you haven't caused a rift between your soon to be husband and his father, and you haven't informed you almost mother in law that her husband is a lecherous fool. Everyone saves face, and no one is hurt.
Help! my soon to be father in law has made a move on me. He actually told me that he knew how to handle a woman much better than his son, and if I wanted a real man I'd try him out before the wedding. Should I tell his son, or his wife, or just keep this to myself and avoid him. At the time there were other people nearby and I walked away like I didn't hear him. He was drinking at the time so I am hoping this won't happen again, but this man is going to be part of my life on a regular basis, we are buying a house only 5 minutes away from my fiance's parents house. I don't want to cause a big rift or family feud, especially if it was just a drunken comment. What should I do?
Signed: The Happy Bride
Dear Bride, I have the perfect solution for you. It won't require a tense discussion with your fiancee or his mother, and shouldn't create a family issue. Arrange some alone time with your almost father in law, take him to lunch or something. While you are chatting and relaxed mention to him that you did hear his comment, and after much thinking you feel that you should let him know that you are not now, nor will you ever be interested in him in that way. That you are aware he may have been a little tipsy when he made the comment and so you are giving him the benefit of the doubt, but if he is ever inappropriate with you in any way you will call a family meeting and inform both his son and his wife of his behavior. Express to him that you don't want any hard feelings or tension as you join your new family and just want to clear the air between you so that you both know where you stand.
After this conversation unless something else out of the way is said to you, put it out of your mind and never mention it again. This way you haven't created a family feud, you haven't caused a rift between your soon to be husband and his father, and you haven't informed you almost mother in law that her husband is a lecherous fool. Everyone saves face, and no one is hurt.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Who's Your Daddy?
Dear Suz,
I need to know how to deal with my boyfriend. He doesn't like any of my friends, some of these girls have been my friends since grade school. My boyfriend gets furious whenever one of them calls, and throws a fit if I spend time with them. These are nice girls, they are like part of my family, but he won't compromise at all and has told me that I will stop being friends with them or I will lose him. I don't want to have to make a choice and don't think it is fair for him to be that way.
He's not abusive, he isn't trying to alienate me from everyone, just these 4 girls. I need a way to make him see that my friends have nothing to do with our relationship, can you help me?
Torn
Dear Torn,
Please keep in mind as you read my answer that I can be a little blunt. Please don't take offense.
Did this boyfriend give you life? Did he raise you and love you through all of your trials and celebrations in your life? I'm guessing no, which means he isn't your Daddy, and shouldn't try to act like he is.
Tell him that under no circumstances will you give up your friends unless he can come up with a valid reason why you should give up that many years of friendship with people who are like family members to you. If he wants to break up with you after that, then honey, that's no big loss.
I don't care how much in love with someone you are, don't give in to ultimatums of that sort, because while you say he isn't abusive, that is a form of emotional abuse. Of course he doesn't have a problem with other acquaintances you might have, they are not as close to you as sisters. You don't tell them everything and they may not notice the differences as he molds and changes you into a woman who is content to live under his thumb. He knows that these 4 girls are the ones that he will end up having to answer to, as well as feel threatened by if he doesn't treat you right.
You are an individual and you have the right to chose your own friends, and to decide who will be a part of your life. Not a boyfriend, fiancee or even husband. Don't allow a man to make your choices and decisions for you. If you give in to this manipulation there will be more to come, and eventually you will lose your own ideals and personality becoming nothing more than an extension of him. Retain yourself, and stand up for what you feel and believe. Best of Luck! I have to say that I probably wouldn't even give him the option of staying with me after an ultimatum like that.
I need to know how to deal with my boyfriend. He doesn't like any of my friends, some of these girls have been my friends since grade school. My boyfriend gets furious whenever one of them calls, and throws a fit if I spend time with them. These are nice girls, they are like part of my family, but he won't compromise at all and has told me that I will stop being friends with them or I will lose him. I don't want to have to make a choice and don't think it is fair for him to be that way.
He's not abusive, he isn't trying to alienate me from everyone, just these 4 girls. I need a way to make him see that my friends have nothing to do with our relationship, can you help me?
Torn
Dear Torn,
Please keep in mind as you read my answer that I can be a little blunt. Please don't take offense.
Did this boyfriend give you life? Did he raise you and love you through all of your trials and celebrations in your life? I'm guessing no, which means he isn't your Daddy, and shouldn't try to act like he is.
Tell him that under no circumstances will you give up your friends unless he can come up with a valid reason why you should give up that many years of friendship with people who are like family members to you. If he wants to break up with you after that, then honey, that's no big loss.
I don't care how much in love with someone you are, don't give in to ultimatums of that sort, because while you say he isn't abusive, that is a form of emotional abuse. Of course he doesn't have a problem with other acquaintances you might have, they are not as close to you as sisters. You don't tell them everything and they may not notice the differences as he molds and changes you into a woman who is content to live under his thumb. He knows that these 4 girls are the ones that he will end up having to answer to, as well as feel threatened by if he doesn't treat you right.
You are an individual and you have the right to chose your own friends, and to decide who will be a part of your life. Not a boyfriend, fiancee or even husband. Don't allow a man to make your choices and decisions for you. If you give in to this manipulation there will be more to come, and eventually you will lose your own ideals and personality becoming nothing more than an extension of him. Retain yourself, and stand up for what you feel and believe. Best of Luck! I have to say that I probably wouldn't even give him the option of staying with me after an ultimatum like that.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Is He For Real?
Dear Suz -
I've found that I'm completely obsessed with someone online. I talk to this guy frequently and we've really hit it off. Seems like we have a lot in common. I Google his name all the time just so I can read anything about him (he spends time on a lot of public forums). I have him on my IM and every time I see him online I try to chat with him. He's told me a lot of stuff about himself, but a few things don't seem quite like he's telling me the truth. Do you think he's being honest with me - like he tells me that he feels a real connection and stuff. I feel it too, but I'm just not sure what to think. Some of our chats have veered into some, umm, very personal areas - know what I mean (and I mean he really, really has a way with words)? And I spend so much time thinking about him that it makes it hard for me to do other stuff. Do you think this relationship is real and worth hanging onto or am I just fooling myself?
Confused but turned on
Dear Confused,
Obsessed sounds like the right word for what you are! The internet has made meeting and connecting with people so much easier than it used to be. However it has also made the whole beginning of relationships faster and less reliable. When you are chatting with someone on the internet you have no idea if they are even who they say they are. There are many people in the world who are predators and scammers.
So my first bit of advice would be that if he is asking you for anything more than your time and conversation, forget about him!
The fact that he is on many social networks isn't necessarily a bad thing, many people join them for their different groups of friends and family, but maybe you aren't the only girl he is chatting with, and "feeling a real connection" with.
As to your statement that some of what he says doesn't seem true, without the benefit of face to face, or IRL ( in real life) interaction you have no real way of verifying what he tells you. This leaves you to trust your instincts, and if your instincts tell you that there may be more or less to this persons story then you should decide what to do about it. It is up to you to either call him on it, ignore it, or stop talking to him. But when it comes to a relationship trust and honesty are very important. If you feel you can't believe what he says and you haven't even met him yet, that should tell you something.
In reference to your comment about your "ummm personal"conversations, my opinion is if it isn't hurting anyone else go for it, after all it is just conversation. But if it comes down to photos or cameras you may want to skip that part of the game. You wouldn't want to be surfing the net one day and come across shots of your private areas on some sleazy website.
Confused, only you know whether this could be a "real" relationship, because there are so many factors that will help you make that determination. But from where I'm sitting it sounds like you have an internet crush and should probably look for a real live guy that you can get to know in person.
I've found that I'm completely obsessed with someone online. I talk to this guy frequently and we've really hit it off. Seems like we have a lot in common. I Google his name all the time just so I can read anything about him (he spends time on a lot of public forums). I have him on my IM and every time I see him online I try to chat with him. He's told me a lot of stuff about himself, but a few things don't seem quite like he's telling me the truth. Do you think he's being honest with me - like he tells me that he feels a real connection and stuff. I feel it too, but I'm just not sure what to think. Some of our chats have veered into some, umm, very personal areas - know what I mean (and I mean he really, really has a way with words)? And I spend so much time thinking about him that it makes it hard for me to do other stuff. Do you think this relationship is real and worth hanging onto or am I just fooling myself?
Confused but turned on
Dear Confused,
Obsessed sounds like the right word for what you are! The internet has made meeting and connecting with people so much easier than it used to be. However it has also made the whole beginning of relationships faster and less reliable. When you are chatting with someone on the internet you have no idea if they are even who they say they are. There are many people in the world who are predators and scammers.
So my first bit of advice would be that if he is asking you for anything more than your time and conversation, forget about him!
The fact that he is on many social networks isn't necessarily a bad thing, many people join them for their different groups of friends and family, but maybe you aren't the only girl he is chatting with, and "feeling a real connection" with.
As to your statement that some of what he says doesn't seem true, without the benefit of face to face, or IRL ( in real life) interaction you have no real way of verifying what he tells you. This leaves you to trust your instincts, and if your instincts tell you that there may be more or less to this persons story then you should decide what to do about it. It is up to you to either call him on it, ignore it, or stop talking to him. But when it comes to a relationship trust and honesty are very important. If you feel you can't believe what he says and you haven't even met him yet, that should tell you something.
In reference to your comment about your "ummm personal"conversations, my opinion is if it isn't hurting anyone else go for it, after all it is just conversation. But if it comes down to photos or cameras you may want to skip that part of the game. You wouldn't want to be surfing the net one day and come across shots of your private areas on some sleazy website.
Confused, only you know whether this could be a "real" relationship, because there are so many factors that will help you make that determination. But from where I'm sitting it sounds like you have an internet crush and should probably look for a real live guy that you can get to know in person.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
For Now or Forever?
Dear Suz,
I have a question for your site. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, we are happy most of the time, and he is planning on us spending our lives together, but I am not really "feeling it" anymore. Should I stick it out or break up with him now?
Signed: Wants to be free-maybe
Dear Wants to be free-maybe,
Many people go through periods of not really "feeling it" when they are in a relationship. There are ups and downs and even periods where you may not feel as if you even love this person anymore. That is when it is time to sit down and write out a pros and cons list. List all the things you love about this person, and all the things that get on your nerves. You say that the two of you are happy most of the time, and that is a good thing, but are you happy in a content in a rut kind of way, or truly happy to be together.
When you think of wanting to be free, what does being free mean to you? Are you already planning wild nights out where you can meet new men? Or is it more that you want time to get to know yourself as an individual instead of part of a couple?
The easy answer to your question is that there is no easy answer. No one can decide what is right for you, but you. Follow your heart, even if your head has a different answer. You deserve to be deliriously happy with whatever choice you make. Lots of luck! Suz
To all my readers, Wants to Be Free-Maybe, took the leap, she asked the question and I hope I helped her out a little bit. Remember that some of the answers I provide will be factual, and some of them will be my opinion, but they will all be as honest and straightforward as possible.
I have a question for your site. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, we are happy most of the time, and he is planning on us spending our lives together, but I am not really "feeling it" anymore. Should I stick it out or break up with him now?
Signed: Wants to be free-maybe
Dear Wants to be free-maybe,
Many people go through periods of not really "feeling it" when they are in a relationship. There are ups and downs and even periods where you may not feel as if you even love this person anymore. That is when it is time to sit down and write out a pros and cons list. List all the things you love about this person, and all the things that get on your nerves. You say that the two of you are happy most of the time, and that is a good thing, but are you happy in a content in a rut kind of way, or truly happy to be together.
When you think of wanting to be free, what does being free mean to you? Are you already planning wild nights out where you can meet new men? Or is it more that you want time to get to know yourself as an individual instead of part of a couple?
The easy answer to your question is that there is no easy answer. No one can decide what is right for you, but you. Follow your heart, even if your head has a different answer. You deserve to be deliriously happy with whatever choice you make. Lots of luck! Suz
To all my readers, Wants to Be Free-Maybe, took the leap, she asked the question and I hope I helped her out a little bit. Remember that some of the answers I provide will be factual, and some of them will be my opinion, but they will all be as honest and straightforward as possible.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
