Dear Suz -
I am in love with someone but she's like my best friend. I'm what you'd call a nice guy - and I know it seems like the ladies prefer a man who will treat them like shit and stuff, but I just can't do that. This woman is everything I've ever wanted but she only goes for assholes who treat her like dirt - I know because she comes crying to me every time one of those pricks breaks her heart again. I can't help how I feel - and I don't know if it's better for me to love her from afar and still have her friendship or risk it all and tell her. If I tell her I stand losing her for good because I know she'll feel weird being friends with me knowing how I feel about her.
-Tired of being the friend.
Dear Tired-
This is a problem that is probably as old as men and women. The thing is it is rumored that women know within the first 10 seconds of meeting a guy whether they are attracted to them or not. The fact that you and your girl have been friends means that you probably didn't hit her attraction radar.
It sounds like this girl may have a certain "type" of guy that she is interested in, sadly for her this seems to be the "bad boy" type. This doesn't mean that you are definitely out of the running. Being a dependable friend has helped more than one "nice guy" finish first. The problem isn't you, it is her. She needs to mature enough to know the difference between guys who will treat her badly and someone she can build a real relationship with.
My opinion is that you should tell her the next time she gets her heart broken, that you care for her and would like to show her how she should be treated. Being friends is the first step to a successful relationship, and the two of you seem to have leaped that hurdle, which means you both already know that you can get along, enjoy the same things and are compatible. All that is left is for her to figure out whether she could be attracted to you as well.
I have to tell you, that there is no guarantee, and yes you may end up losing the friendship if you lay all your cards on the table, but if that happens, you can know that she will spend a lot of time wondering "what if" when she gets her heart broken again and again by the wrong kind of guy. Life is long and people change and grow continuously who knows what could happen if you lose her now and meet her again in the future.
But don't pine in silence for something that could possibly turn into exactly what you are both looking for. Take the chance, when the moment is right. You won't know if you don't try. Nothing ventured nothing gained. And a whole bunch of other trite cliches! Good luck !
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Good advice Suz. He needs to tell her how he feels - sometimes in the back of your mind you might be attracted to someone or have feelings for them but think they're "off limits" and that could be the case with her. Maybe she has the same feelings but doesn't want to say anything to him. He needs to take the initiative, but if she doesn't feel the same he needs to accept that.
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